Learn some pro-tips about how to help a loved one with depression.
This week we are starting to really get into discussing how you can help a loved one who is struggling with a mental illness. Depression is an incredibly common mental health disorder, especially considering the times we live in with quarantine and protests that can seem intimidating and scary and hopeless. So, let's take a look at what some professionals have said really helps you help loved ones!
One of the most important things you can do is learn the symptoms of depression (mayoclinic). If you are wondering more about that you can visit our Fast Facts: Depression blog (https://advocatementalhealth.wixsite.com/mysite/post/fast-facts-depression). But some of the basics you should know are:
- Irritability
- Restlessness
- Unexplained aches and pains
- Suicidal thoughts and/or tendencies
If you notice these behaviors persist in multiple consecutive days strongly encourage your loved one to seek counseling. Even offer to go with if it will give them the courage and the boost they need to get help.
It is always important to remember to encourage professional help. If a loved one is skipping out on set up appointments, try to help them be accountable and again offer to go with them, even just to wait in the waiting room. A lot of the time people who struggle with depression feel like a burden so gently remind them that you don't find them a burden but that you really do want to be there for them and help them through it.
Another great thing to do for a struggling loved one is to understand medication (Schimelpfening). If your loved one is currently on medication understand what it is and what it is supposed to do so you can more easily help them recognize if it's working. You are also more able to recognize if they decide to go off their medication and you can be a source of encouragement for them to get back on it by helping them see that they are happier if they are on it.
It's also important to listen (Raypole). Remember that your loved one is not defined by their depression and they don't want to struggle any more than you want them to struggle. Make sure that your using active listening techniques and that you aren't accidentally invalidating their feelings as they try to talk to you. There is nothing that will shut a conversation down faster than telling them that "everyone has hard times" or "this is all in your head" or offering advice that they've likely tried before (helpguide). So be attentive and present and kind. This will show them that you truly care and want to help and that's so much more valuable than advice that you aren't qualified to give anyway.
It's incredibly important for you to also remain patient with someone struggling with depression. Extending loose plains that are not extremely time-consuming or with a large number of people are more likely to be accepted and easier for someone with depression to feel comfortable at (Raypole). Continue to provide a space of hope with them, because depression symptoms do improve. It takes work and it takes time, but they do improve and it happens all the time!
We're living during a very weird time where lots of our lives are going digital. This can be especially hard on people with depression who already struggle with feeling disconnected from their loved ones and the world around them. It's also very easy for someone struggling with depression to avoid responsibilities right now and if you really want to help it's important to not let them do this. Patience is going to be incredibly important because during this time we can't always be right next to the ones we care about who struggle. Arrange for regular face-to-face calls and check-ins and if possible meet up outside and maintain social distancing. It's okay to give a little pushback if they keep trying to cancel plans! Encourage distance from social media if necessary in order to avoid debilitating comparisons during this time! Also, don't forget many therapists have digital options so if they say they can't go, try and help them find someone who has made therapy available online!
Lastly, I want to leave you with two thoughts. First: Depression comes in all shapes and sizes, in all sorts of people, and in many different ways and because of many different things and manifests in so many different ways. No two people who are depressed look the same, so please stop using the phrase, "Well, you don't look depressed" it causes people who are depressed to bottle up even more and back away in even more fear. Second: You are not a therapist. I say this all the time but please, if you are trying to be a support for someone struggling with depression do not do so at the cost of your own mental health. Establish healthy boundaries and back away if it gets too intense, your needs are important too (helpguide). You are not responsible for the decisions that a depressed person makes and you are not responsible for their inaction. Be there as much as you realistically can and let real therapists and proper medications do their job too!
Learn More:
1. Schimelpfening, Nancy. “10 Ways to Help Someone With Depression.” Verywell Mind, 5 May 2020, www.verywellmind.com/how-to-help-someone-with-depression-1065117.
2. “Depression: Supporting a Family Member or Friend.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 28 Nov. 2018, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943.
3. Raypole, Crystal. “How to Help a Depressed Friend: 15 Do's and Don'ts.” Healthline, Healthline Media, 29 May 2019, www.healthline.com/health/how-to-help-a-depressed-friend.
4. “Helping Someone with Depression.” HelpGuide.org, www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm.
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